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New Florida Law Allows C-Sections To Be Performed By Any Machete-Wielding Lunatic

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Claiming the move would empower women to take control of their bodies, the Florida Legislature passed a new law Friday that allows cesarean sections to be performed by any machete-wiel...

Controversial Courtship

Read more…This post was originally published on The Onion

Dozens Dead In Least Of America’s Problems Right Now

NEW YORK—As extreme heat continued to batter states across much of the Midwest and East Coast, authorities warned Friday that dozens of Americans had died in what’s really the least of the nation’s pr...

Louisiana To Require 10 Commandments Be Displayed In Every Classroom

Louisiana Gov. Jeff Landry (R) signed a new law ordering that a poster-sized display of the Ten Commandments must be hung in every state classroom under the argument that they are “foundational docume...

Ethics Committee To Review Allegations Of Sexual Misconduct, Drug Use Against Matt Gaetz

The House Ethics Committee, which has a long-running investigation into the conduct of Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-FL), announced it is now also considering allegations of sexual misconduct and illicit drug us...

Justin Timberlake Charged With DWI

Pop star Justin Timberlake, 43, was charged with one count of driving while intoxicated after failing to stop at a stop sign and veering outside his lane of travel in Sag Harbor, NY, with the singer t...

Foreign Guy Slamming Diet Cokes At Bar Absolutely Dominating Pool Table

PHILADELPHIA—Noting that the quiet, intense individual clearly came to win, locals at Gelman’s Tap reported Wednesday that a foreign guy was slamming Diet Cokes and dominating the pool table. “I’m not...

Elmer’s Unveils New Super Sticky Glue Park

WESTERVILLE, OH—Following a ribbon-cutting ceremony and a thunderous round of applause from the thousands of ticket holders lined up to be among the first in line for its rides, the long-awaited Elmer...